It’s often said that April is the cruellest month (blimmin’ T.S. Eliot fans cluttering up the place) but we have to disagree.

The Met Office may forecast snow, and baked goods from the new Goth pastry shop at the top of Broughton Street could be far too expensive for all but the wealthy … But forsooth, 'tis the month of Easter! The pandas at Edinburgh Zoo should be laying their eggs any day now, bringing forth unutterable cuteness and lashings of chocolate for all to enjoy.

There are literally several other events to look forward to in or around Spurtleshire this month, so arrange yourself comfortably with your slanket and gin and I will tell you about them. 

A new exhibition, Worlds Apart, opens at Union Gallery (45 Broughton Street) on Thursday 5 April and runs until the end of the month. It features works by Stewart Bremner and Kevin Low, who are stylistically totally different – hence the name of the show. It’s very clever, this art stuff.

Similarly academic is the Science Festival, happening RIGHT NOW and continuing unabated till April 15. Events are many and varied, but include Robin Ince talking science at The Stand (5 York Place) and the good folks at The Royal Botanic Gardens (20 Inverleith Row) teaching your children how to forage for food. This can only end well, we’re sure you will agree.

Exercise now, which is generally a soul-destroying activity and no mistake – but not for participants in the Edinburgh Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon  on 15 April.  This is a half-marathon where runners are encouraged along the way by performances from bands including Japan Four, Homework, Stanley Odd and Kassidy! Whaddya mean, you’ve never heard of them? Still listening to your gramophone, Granddad?

A name you’ll doubtless be aware of (if only for that sterling collaboration with Boyzone in 1999), Billy Ocean, is at the Jam House (5 Queen Street) on 20 April. We hope he does When the Going Gets Tough on a never-ending loop.

You’re doubtless aware that time is marching mirthlessly on towards the 42nd anniversary of Earth Day, which falls on 22 April. The nearest event we can find to mark the occasion is happening in Norfolk, but that can’t possibly be right – what are you doing to voice your appreciation for the planet and demand its protection, readers? Please let us know in an environmentally sustainable manner.

Further tall tales will be available courtesy of Electric Tales at The Stand (still located on 5 York Place) on 24 April.There’s something quite nice about storytelling and there isn’t a lot of it around for grown-ups, so on you go.

This year’s Administrative Professionals Week runs from 22–8 April, with the theme ‘Admins – the Pulse of the Office’.  But not in a weird, H. P.. Lovecraft sort of a way. Don’t forget to thank your clerical staff for collating the stats and working out how to use the new photocopier so you didn’t have to – a wee thank you goes a long way.