As you read this, copies of the July Spurtle are already illuminating obscure corners of the barony, glinting like gold, bouncing like sunbeams off a holidaying Italian dentist’s smile as she leaves her Bellevue Airbnb in search of the day’s first espresso.
Reading four-page hyperlocal newspapers is widely acknowledged to increase sexual allure and cure baldness, but the Spurtle can also be enjoyed as an invigorating infusion or source of information on an area bounded by Howe Street, Queen Street, Canonmills, and the wilds of Pilrig. This month we report on 40 locations.
Topers, trotters, pickles, nagging
Page 1 begins with mixed news for local topers, (h)owls of anguish, roads and where to avoid them, mutual support among siblings, and a distant rumble of thunder audible beyond the blandishments of Council spokespersons.
On Page 2 there’s an endearing pig and photographs containing 22 separate trotters. We laud local heroes, detail a thinly veiled invitation, celebrate a lack of ice, and go gung-ho on gasworks. We take a close look at muffin-tops, and another close look at exactly who decides to write in about certain planning applications. With the coffin-breath of solicitors on our neck, we do not speculate about why. We conclude with room for improvement at the Edinburgh Festival.
Page 3 is pleasantly foxed, dominated by bars, and dotted with brains, poetry, planning, illustrations, books in high places, and pickles moving up in the world without causing heartburn.
Brexit, Holyrood, and how to understand them feature on Page 4, as do Asian-fusion food, nagging, an appeal, a garage requiring ‘minor modification’, and the latest moves to contain a nuisance that has sometimes been known to get out of hand.
Wind of change
In short, if an ant farts on Canon Street Lane, you’ll hear about it here first and learn the name of its fitness trainer.
Copies of Issue 286 will be found soon in all the usual libraries, eateries, drinkeries, newsagents, park benches, and barbers across Greater Spurtleshire. For those who prefer their thrills with an e-, colourful pdfs may be downloaded from our Homepage from midnight onwards on 1 July.
If you have news, views, words, whispers, legs or images to lend us, we’re eager to hear from you …