'MAGNUS MacNEMESIS' HAS HAD ENOUGH
For the second year running, Edinburgh citizens find themselves disgusted.
As in 2014/15, we are appalled at St Andrew Square Garden, where the difference between what was promised some ten years ago and what's being delivered today is stark.
And this Hogmanay, our frustration is compounded by the Council’s decision to close Calton Hill – that is, block access to the magnificent free-for-all viewing gallery on obscurely discussed and poorly explained grounds of public safety.
Both instances suggest a local authority favouring financial relations over civic assembly. Both emerge from unaccountable processes of re-creating and restricting public space.
In the Garden, we will soon have to endure the aftermath of current festivities until March, with most of the mudbath taped off. Re-seeding will then be followed by a brief interlude of access before the appearance of tented villages, ticketed Fringe venues and yet another rash of portaloos and overspilling trade waste bins.
But you can’t beat the current time of year – this winter celebration – for a vision of commodifed leisure at its reddest in tooth and claw. This is capitalism made concrete (or pinewood) in a ticky-tacky shanty town of carry-out booths, Spiegeltent, helter-skelter, merry-go-round, ice-rink, and disappointingly fake sauna-cum-Scandi-saloon without steam or even steaming Scandinavians.
This architectural rattle-bag is the vision of Essential Edinburgh: a front organisation for local businesses about whose activities in the Garden there is bugger-all essential and very little relevant to Edinburgh.
It has nothing to say about the capital’s cultural heritage, current significance or aspirations for the future. It is the victim and perfect exemplar of busy-ness without imagination. It is most certainly not the public oasis of tranquility originally envisaged – a grass-lined level ground, equally accessible to wearied eyes, feet and posteriors of all kinds and conditions.
It is instead an exclusionary space in which taking part relies on willingness and ability to spend.
It’s ghastly. It’s embarrassing. None of us asked for this fried-onion-reeking aberration at our centre, and now no-one listens when we beg for it to be swept away. Raise a single word against it and you’re dismissed as elitist, fun-hating, and unrealistic. The very qualities, in fact, we now find being enacted on Calton Hill.
Readers will remember how developers recently made much of Calton Hill’s ‘unsavoury reputation’. They wanted to displace it using a management structure for the area behind and around their proposed old Royal High School pleasure-dome for the global super-rich.
By such verbal nudges, they hinted at the ‘unseemly’ sexual and pharmaceutical practices which occur here in time-honoured fashion throughout the year
Or – to interpret it differently – they sought to do away with the unregulated night-time economy around which clandestine personal transactions on the hill have been structured for centuries. Rosewood Hotel clients are certainly not strangers to sex and drugs and other forms of questionable behaviour, but it seems their would-be lackeys would rather no screams of ecstasy or pain or real life should ever disturb high-net-worth customers' beauty sleep.
Perhaps by offering to invest in managed sterilisation, the developers sought to curry favour with City of Edinburgh Council. If so, their timing was probably good.
Unelected officials fear for our safety on the ‘topography’ (it slopes – there’s a surprise), in cold weather (when it's not as warm). They are concerned that the very fireworks they themselves keep blasting up into the air for the benefit of multinational hotel chains and budget airlines may land on our heads (in which case, you'd think they might stop).
They regret that they cannot afford to steward us, police us, minister to our cuts and bruises. Even though we never asked them to do so in the first place.
They would much rather we gathered like obedient sheep in the pens they have ready for us down in the city centre. There we can bleat in time to the soundtrack provided. There we may more conveniently be driven from pillar to post, from field ... to market.
Leave us alone!
Just as we treasure our oases of tranquillity, so also we value our corners of chaos and carnival.
We are adults. We sometimes like to pooh in the great outdoors, and poke strangers, and inhale things we probably shouldn’t. We enjoy oohing and aahing in the dark, we relish drinking out of sight and out of our minds, losing inhibitions, wits, wallets, and tumbling head over heels without officers of any badge tutting at us to be more responsible.
We choose, as we have long chosen, to misbehave in the shadows of Calton Hill … with the workaday, civilised, tax-paying, nutritionist and insurance-executive infested world – to which we nearly all eventually return – spread out below us, visible briefly at a safe distance.
The alternative – controlled access according to numbers, by ticket, between barriers, properly illuminated, and eventually no doubt at a price or with 'Virgin Money' glittering overhead – simply renders us submissive.
They – the forces of probity and commercial order – value us only as compliant consumers of spectacle, not as active, disobedient, swallowing-too-much and sicking-back-up-again, flawed, fumbling, fornicating, fecund creators of our own destinies and entertainments.
Ultimately, it is not risk that these bean-counters and marketing mountebanks want to free us from, but our independence of mind.
So, in 2016, let’s make a point of telling them where to get off.
In St Andrew Square Garden, let's step over their little string barriers and spread ourselves out on the grass the way we – briefly – used to enjoy.
Let us rest quietly and at no expense in those places where they want to plant decking. Le us sit down away from the traffic and the jangle of piped music and the simpering blandishments of bus-stop advertisements. Let us simply lie back on the grass, enjoy the sun on our eyelids, and think about nothing.
And on Calton Hill, where the sky blows beautifully inside-out like a cosmic umbrella, let us continue to be cheapskate and obstreperous together, raucous and rowdy, naughty and wrongheaded in ways which celebrate our humanity and smile gap-toothed defiance at our so-called betters.
Edinburgh is for Edinburghers. Starting with public spaces, let us rejoice in our freedoms while we still can. Starting with Calton Hill, sign the petition here.—Magnus MacNemesis
Got a view? Tell us at spurtle@hotmail.co.uk and @theSpurtle and Facebook
For more on this story, see 'View to a thrill on Calton Hill', 30.12.15.
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Oh rly? Calton Hill will have to be closed because @Edinburgh_CC predicts the wrong kind of wind this Hogmanay. http://www.broughtonspurtle.org.uk/news/cec-response-calton-hill-begs-more-questions …
Come on @allytibbitt, we are definitely getting the wrong kind of wind from @Edinburgh_CC. @theSpurtle
@EllaTasm @Edinburgh_CC @theSpurtle Also, why were Unique Events sitting at the table where decision to close hill was made?
@allytibbitt @EllaTasm @Edinburgh_CC @theSpurtle they produce the @edhogmanay festival & use Calton Hill for fireworks & torchlight event.
@allytibbitt @theSpurtle @Edinburgh_CC Also most of us won't need toilets as we have them at home. What % people on the hill live within 10.
@theSpurtle If only CEC put half as much effort into emptying the bins.
Paul Foley Those barriers are everywhere. Particularly around Christmas trees. So attractive.
Annie Chesney Retweeted Broughton Spurtle
I fell in love w/ Edinburgh because, in contrast to London, public spaces were actually pubic. Sad to see all this.
Valerie Thornton Hunter Please dont blame a lot of the businesses- many of them actually dont benefit from this and dont want it at all - this is Essential BID... aka the Council bullying businesses to pay for all this crap. I know this as I have a shop in a BID district called the Greater Grassmarket and this year they tried to impose on us all a vile "Victorian" funfair and get us all to dress up in our shops in fancy dress... this was luckily all scuppered by oodles of residents who did not want a Ferris wheel turning outside their windows of weeks on end. And I can say not all the businesses wanted this either - it is and always will be the CEC on their own - sucking right up Underbelly and Unique Events - who take all commercial gain out to the areas and into their own little corporate pockets - no idea what [...] deal they have with the Council... the zoning of Calton Hill will no doubt be with the idea of charging everyone £10 to venture up there next year - as they did with Beltane Events... also they have the Royal Mile blocked off and charging you £45 to dance in the street - but no drink you must buy that from an Underbelly bar in the sealed zone... next year they will be extending all the tat down the Grassmarket... Underbelly... heard it... I think last year for a couple of stalls they were quoting payments of £90,000... think this is surely the wrong way round - they are charging us for their stalls surely not? license to print money - of course which is what they are doing in abundance.... you just cant failed - look at past ventures which got to keep all profits - but also had all losses bailed out by CEC... nice work that if you can get it. At the same time after all the carnival hucksters pack up and go home and the mud stretches as far as the eye can see - I see Tumbleweed blow down my street in the Grassmarket - all your wee shops cant compete and closing down - I see all the To Let signs up all over Edinburgh... they close and are replaced by illegal cafes with no planning permissions - I have three next door to me... council not interested... too busy counting their Christmas bonuses... but please... this is a joint enterprise by BID, Underbelly and Unique... dont shoot the businesses down - the Council are already doing that to - to replace things with huts, pop up tents and tawdry markets selling pure shit... it is all pure shit - like Midas touch in reverse - everything the Council touches turns to shit....
@CityCycling @theSpurtle EDI saying record 75K+ flying in for Hogmanay, but unsold tickets for street party? Disnae add up?
Paul Bennett It was announced at such short notice so no one could do anything about it it should be reversed right now for this year.
Jackie Stewart Great article - don't even usually go up Calton hill for new year but am tempted to do so this year!
Rachel Bell And G4 -a delightful bunch- hired to keep us out- at what expense??
Off up there now for a recce.
Paul Burgess We must hold this vile council to account. They're there to serve the people not rent out our city for their commercial gain. I'm sickened.
@theSpurtle Perhaps "Edinburgh is *also* for Edinburghers" might be more apt? We need the tourists but shouldn't have to be excluded
@theSpurtle Sad to see hotel proposal included in article. Must not be hard to see economic activity would actually prevent hill closure? >>
@theSpurtle >> Economic activity is not same as entrance tickets. More creative ways possible to pay for security etc.
Barriers going up on Royal mile for Hogmanay - £45 a ticket. Princes Street £25. Calton Hill in 2017? £50?
Samantha wright @Samanth36874211
@theSpurtle @corneliusbeers DEFO!
@theSpurtle is that still known as edinburgh's disgrace ?
@CityCycling @trapprain @theSpurtle Calton Hill closure announced after the discounted resident tickets were sold out. Why a low limit?
@hackonteur suppose cos they'd rather rip off tourists. @trapprain @theSpurtle
@andleg @theSpurtle It's not my stomping ground, but I guarantee that The Meadows is being eyed up as the next lucrative revenue stream
@CityCycling @theSpurtle @hackonteur @trapprain Give unsold tickets to EH residents - we live here! Or do they want to have a loss?
Sally louise Adam @SallylouiseAdam
@fountainbridge @edinspotlight @allytibbitt @theSpurtle back in the day it was free
Lorna Fligg phew - sounds like Edinburgh's turning into a nasty theme park - the one time I went up to Princes street with the daft bracelet things it was really awful - seemed like no local people were there at all, freezing cold and cost a fortune to buy a greasy burger....everyone looked half frozen and bored. I have to say we loved the longest Strip the Willow in George Street one year tho - that was really well done and fun! More of that please!
Valerie Thornton Hunter They have that this year on the Royal Mile... but you have to pay £45 to take part - and not allowed to take any drink with you - you have to buy drinks from Underbelly stalls in the sealed zone!
Iain Paton Crikey. That's going to stop people. Hope the council remembered the Section 11 core path closure order and a diversionary route, otherwise they are breaking the law (Land Reform (Scotland) Act 2003).
Rachel Bell Just had a chat with a G4s guy up there- there'll be a police presence at every entrance.
He said 'the torchlight procession is one thing, that's for families- not like the drunken carry-on at Hogmanay'
Louise Russell The future? http://www.theguardian.com/.../go-ape-privatisation...
Reggie Tricker How will they remove people who are up there before 7pm?
Rachel Bell The 'safety barriers' are a bit of a trip hazard, are they not??
Sibs Roberts Amen to that. Edinburgh has become less of a place for people to live and more a gigantic amusement park for tourists.
Esme McLeod Here here say I!
I also object to the social cleansing that is going on.
@theSpurtle Is there a Section 11 order in place to restrict access to Calton Hill during Hogmanay?
@HeusdenTaco @theSpurtle If you want police officers to cover a big event these days, you have to pay for them. Pretty simple.
@brianjaffa @HeusdenTaco Not simple. Not everyone wants sanitised, monetised, policed event. Many want to misbehave in the dark unmolested.
@theSpurtle @brianjaffa @HeusdenTaco I was going to say "Is this about Calton Hill?", and then I realised it was... ;-)
@theSpurtle @HeusdenTaco There's a Q over whether sky-high @edhogmanay hotel prices have encouraged the raising of ticket prices. Possibly.
@theSpurtle @HeusdenTaco If someone can crack the festival tax headache @edinburgh_cc has been wrestling with for 15 years it could help!
@brianjaffa @theSpurtle @edhogmanay Hotel rooms have finite supply. Space to party is not finite. Popular events should be bigger not dearer
Steven Magee Time the whole essential Edinburgh fun park lot were kicked in to touch.
Stuart Barber It is remarkable that they can pay for security, policing at all access points plus fencing, but not to pay for security and first aid on the hill. I've spent new year on Calton hill over the
past four years, and not witnessed a single person incapable. Thanks to the spurtle for a well argued case for opening the hill.
@theSpurtle @brianjaffa You like to be left alone on landmark in center of a European capital? Suspect difficult proposition.
@HeusdenTaco @theSpurtle it's worked well enough for the last two decades!
@brianjaffa @theSpurtle was referring to 'sexual and pharmaceutical practices which occur here in time-honoured fashion throughout the year'
Call him Shave Retweeted Broughton Spurtle
Storm the barricades!
@theSpurtle I wrote some words on Edinburgh's 'festivals' and how it all goes wrong in winter - http://pastebin.com/3v4Te3Cu
@theSpurtle stewards were already asking people to get off Calton Hill mid-day today, council said "too dangerous".
UPDATE: Spurtle received confirmation of the Section 11 order early this evening. See below:
Might be best if we close Calton Hill down from September to March. Killer winds are a risk to man, woman and beast.
@theSpurtle Quite right to shut Calton Hill and, if I have my way, the Torchlight Procession will be a LEDlight Procession next year.