Surely, nothing is more irritating than metropolitan lifestyle journalists dipping their oh-so-delicate toes into the too-hot-too-cold-too-tepid waters of life outwith London. Every week they get it all wrong. Every weekend, readers from John O'Groats to Land's End relax in a righteous froth of indignation at London-based ignorance and misrepresentation.
Saturday's Independent came with its customary supplement 'The Information', this time featuring Britain's supposed '50 best delicatessens'. Panelists Clare Hargreaves (BBC Good Food), Donald Reid (editor of 'The Larder'), Nicola Whiteford (editor of 'Great British Food') and Alice Murray (Slow Food UK) were at the helm.
'Rubbish! Tosh! Nonsense!' growled seasoned Spurtle readers, whipping across the pages, only to find themselves wrong-footed.
Contrary to all cynical expectations, Edinburgh boasted five out of twelve Scottish delis chosen; and of these delicious dozen, two were Broughton-based.
Valvona & Crona (Elm Row) was described as a 'shrine to fine Italian produce' and a 'cultural landmark'; and the Broughton Delicatessen (Barony Street) was favourably reviewed for 'serving up a great breakfast menu and deli platters for lunch'.
Neighbouring Stockbridge also featured for Herbies (Raeburn Place) and Ian Mellis Cheesemonger (Kerr and Victoria Streets).
Damn it! If there is one thing worse than being ignored completely, it is being fulsomely recognised by the right kind of expert. All readers must now swallow their resentment, congratulate the deserving retailers mentioned, count blessings, and find alternative grounds for disgruntlement.
All in all, a perfectly rotten start to the week. Bon appetit!