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ISSUE 236 – OUT SOON!

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The December/January issue of your free independent stirrer is almost here. Advance copies have already been seen by some members of the team, and they are – reportedly – more beautiful than a Bernard Matthews turkey.

The Spurtles, obviously, not the team members.

Issue 236 contains no giblets but plenty of planning, fiascos, Council rethinks, warm wishes, courting and LURVE.

WILL LOVE PREVAIL AT ST MARY'S?

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An LGBT Service to mark the First Sunday in Advent will be held at Broughton St Mary's Parish Church this weekend, writes the Rev. Graham McGeoch.

The Service has been written by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, and will include the participation of Stonewall Scotland, Waverley Care Community Choir and the leading playwright and former professor of theatre at Queen Margaret University Jo Clifford.

TROUBLED BANK TRIES BASKING IN REFLECTED GLORY

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Barely a week goes past without the high heid yins at Royal Bank of Scotland being engulfed in some new financial scandal. 

If it’s not bankrupting the country, then it’s rigging the Libor rate or not managing to run its cashpoint machines reliably or misleading a parliamentary commission investigating the bank’s deliberate ruination of its own corporate clients.

Shame follows shame follows shame.

Under these circumstances, you might expect the former capital colossus to hang its head. Or at least to try keeping a low profile for a while.

POLICE SCOTLAND, SMARTWATER AND GUSHING PRAISE

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Police Scotland's relentless plugging of SmartWater Technology Ltd's chemical marker product continues.

Locals at community council meetings have already been bombarded with repeated positive accounts of the product over the last few months. Now, journalists are getting the same treatment with release of a Police Scotland email this afternoon which mentions the company name no fewer than eight times.

WINTER ROSE ON HOWE STREET

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The new Winter Show at Bon Papillon opened last night, featuring work by resident landscapist Senja Brendon (formerly Bownes), Melanie Williamson (land and sea in oils) and Lynne Harkes’s contemplative landscapes and abstracted plant forms. 

Also on show are new paintings by gallery co-owner Ingrid Nilsson, whose distinctive quirky portraiture and decorative detail have evolved to include a little more collage than we’re used to in works such as ‘Rose Amour’ (right).

DON'T DELAY FURTHER DEVOLUTION, SAYS LAZAROWICZ

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In a Westminster parliamentary debate on devolution and the Union yesterday, Edinburgh North and Leith MP Mark Lazarowicz reiterated the role of the Barnett Formula as a formula for spending rather than one based on real needs assessment.

‘Let us get away from the idea that the Barnett formula is a subsidy for Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland.

ST ANDREW SQUARE – DON'T MENTION THE SWARD

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Ungrateful whingers who do nothing but moan on about the state of St Andrew Square will soon have to eat their words. 

When the popular green oasis opens as a festive wonderland tomorrow, disgruntled locals who delight in complaining about the condition of the grass will find that event organisers Underbelly have specifically addressed their concerns. 

Not only will much of the disgusting sucking ooze be thoughtfully concealed under plyboard decking, but splendid new metal bridges will also bypass some of the worst and stickiest sloughs. 

'OUTWITH' – BEDWYR WILLIAMS

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REVIEWED BY RHYS FULLERTON 

Outwith by Welsh artist Bedwyr Williams is the second in the Observers' Walks series. Performed by Hilary Lyon, the audio guide takes the listener through a series of stories set in a local hotel which is visible from Calton Hill. 

At the start, we are instructed to walk down the hill and sit on a bench. From there we are imaginatively transported from Calton Hill to the rooftop garden opposite, to a rooftop garden in Tokyo, and then back to the Glasshouse Hotel.

EMPTY ROLL CAUSES UPSET

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An empty van belonging to Broughton Street’s New Town Deli rolled backwards down Brandon Terrace and collided with railings outside Napier Bathrooms in Canonmills this morning, reports Johnny Bacigalupo

‘What a shudder!’ 

The incident happened at 11.40am. The door at No. 32 was damaged, and the entry-phone system smashed to bits, but – incredibly – no other vehicle was involved and no-one was injured. 

The driver – who'd been in the Post Office – arrived after 10 minutes and realised that they’d left the handbrake off.