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Ungrateful whingers who do nothing but moan on about the state of St Andrew Square will soon have to eat their words. 

When the popular green oasis opens as a festive wonderland tomorrow, disgruntled locals who delight in complaining about the condition of the grass will find that event organisers Underbelly have specifically addressed their concerns. 

Not only will much of the disgusting sucking ooze be thoughtfully concealed under plyboard decking, but splendid new metal bridges will also bypass some of the worst and stickiest sloughs. 

REVIEWED BY RHYS FULLERTON 

Outwith by Welsh artist Bedwyr Williams is the second in the Observers' Walks series. Performed by Hilary Lyon, the audio guide takes the listener through a series of stories set in a local hotel which is visible from Calton Hill. 

At the start, we are instructed to walk down the hill and sit on a bench. From there we are imaginatively transported from Calton Hill to the rooftop garden opposite, to a rooftop garden in Tokyo, and then back to the Glasshouse Hotel.

An empty van belonging to Broughton Street’s New Town Deli rolled backwards down Brandon Terrace and collided with railings outside Napier Bathrooms in Canonmills this morning, reports Johnny Bacigalupo. 

‘What a shudder!’ 

The incident happened at 11.40am. The door at No. 32 was damaged, and the entry-phone system smashed to bits, but – incredibly – no other vehicle was involved and no-one was injured. 

The driver – who'd been in the Post Office – arrived after 10 minutes and realised that they’d left the handbrake off.

‘No frost yet, but I noticed a sign that perhaps Winter weather could be around the corner,’ writes John MacDonald. 

‘While in my garden this afternoon (Monday) I heard a constant honking sound. I looked up and saw a very large V formation of geese flying due East over the New Town. 

Spurtle subjected MacDonald’s photographs to forensic examination and counted around 150 individual birds. 

The Ambassadors Theatre Group seeks planning permission to build a new covered walkway at the Category-A listed Playhouse on Greenside Place (Ref. 14/04559/FUL).

The new structure would, they say, provide new access to the car park for staff, and a valuable fire escape. 

Spurtle doesn’t normally like tags – those pen-names repeatedly extravastated from aerosols onto elements of the streetscape like so many dog-pees onto lampposts. 

Yesterday, though, we enjoyed the sight of MOLE on West Register Street for two reasons. 

PETER STANDEN AT THE SUTTON GALLERY – REVIEWED BY RHYS FULLERTON 

Edinburgh – one hundred years from now. 

Global warming has hit, the climate is tropical, whales are swimming down the resurrected Nor' Loch, the Arthur’s Seat volcano is active, motorways have become green havens as far as the eye can see and molten lava flows down George Street wiping out everything that crosses its path. Head along to The Sutton Gallery this month and you’ll no longer have to imagine it. 

There are both positives and negatives to being a proud pram owner. 

A positive is that if people are getting in your way then you can crash into their ankles and blame it on the equipment. A negative is that you can no longer take the stairs and you end up spending a lifetime waiting for lifts.

You already know I hate shopping, so I won’t bore you with that rant again. Recently, though, I found myself in John Lewis (it was some kind of present emergency) and before I repress the memory I’d like to share it with you. 

And mis-used just for the hell of it. 

This sorry-looking BMW has appeared in St Mark’s Park over the last day or so. 

It had been driven under the trees at the top of the slope overlooking the river at Warriston, then set alight using a petrol can on the front seat. 

Police are aware.  

This is the second vehicle abandoned in the area recently. On 19 October an empty car, with the accelerator wedged down, was powered over a steep bank beside Connaught Place at Steadfastgate. It was recovered next day from the Water of Leith.

Following September’s Referendum on Scottish independence, the Prime Minister tasked Lord Smith of Kelvin with convening ‘cross-party talks and facilitat[ing] an inclusive engagement process across Scotland to produce, by 30 November 2014, Heads of Agreement with recommendations for further devolution of powers to the Scottish Parliament’.

Two representatives from each of the parties represented at Holyrood were nominated to the Commission (including Leith Walk ward’s Green councillor Maggie Chapman). But submissions were also invited from members of the public by 31 October.