Breaking news

Issue 184 will be printed this evening, ready for distribution on 1 July through such Broughton outlets as  pubs, clubs, learned societies, beauticians, bookshops, schools, newsagents, cafés, galleries, hairdressers, delicatessens, purveyors of pleasures, chiropractors, carry-outs, couturiers, fishmongers, furnishers, places of worship, politicians, hot shavers, cool barbers, baboon wranglers, toy and gift-sellers, greengrocers, community centres, house agents, video shops, libraries, nooks and crannies, energetic grannies, loyal subscribers and reformed Evening News readers m

Here at the Spurtle we relish all communications from readers, the more criminally intended the better.

This evening, an unsolicited offer came from a perfect stranger which so perfectly combined imaginative breadth, self-deluding cunning and naivety that we laughed like a Seafield overflow pipe joyously disgorging into the Forth.

Below, the communication is reproduced in all its idiosyncratic oddity minus an email address. Enjoy!

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Glenogle Baths will reopen to the public on Friday 2 July after a 20-month refurbishment, reports David Mackie.  All the new facilities will be free on that day.

The unique character of the baths has been retained, but modern and improved facilities include: better changing cubicles, toilets and lockers; extra disabled changing areas and improved access; new gym equipment; a new relaxation area for the sauna and steam room.

It's the oldest trick in the book – a practical joke so ancient we thought it could survive these days only within the pages of the Beano.

Not so. Juvenile patrons outside the Barony Bar have been enjoying the sight of passers-by failing to retrieve a glittering pound coin. It is, of course, super-glued to the pavement.

Forget language, writing, abstract thought, technology, opposable thumbs and walking on two legs. In some respects we are no more sophisticated than trout.

An article in today's Evening News has provoked a furious response from Richard Jeffrey, Chief Executive of Edinburgh Trams. He denies the suggestion in the first two paragraphs of 'Leithed Out' that tram bosses are striking a deal with contractor Bilfinger Berger to run the service from  the Airport only as far as York Place. This, the News claims, is an effort to deliver the route by June 2012 at a cost of under £500m.

'Coffee makes us severe and grave and philosophical,' announces the A-board outside Artisan Roast on Broughton Street.

Does this explain the Swift-loving retailer's recent decision – alone among local outlets – to cease stocking free copies of the Spurtle for  customers?

Perhaps Artisan's management should try drinking coffee with a little sugar.

Pride Scotia – the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-gender communities' annual celebration of sexual diversity – kicks off on Saturday 26 June.

Last month we aired Blandfield resident Mark Sheffield's misgivings over City of Edinburgh Council's withdrawal of the one-free-special-uplift-per-household-per-year service. He suspected it would prove counter-productive by encouraging far more fly-tipping on local streets and alleys (Breaking news 5.5.10). He wrote to local councillors voicing his doubts.

Antony Gormely's 6 Times was formally launched this morning at the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art.

The renowned sculptor answered questions and posed for photographers with the first of his six human figures, this one buried up to its middle outside one of the gates on Belford Road.

Sources at the National Galleries of Scotland have declared themselves delighted at pre-launch publicity for Antony Gormley's 6 Times Horizon (which is officially unveiled tomorrow).

Through gritted teeth they have resolutely looked on the bright side as locals first dressed the Stockbridge figure in a pink bikini, and then misinterpreted the Bonnington one as a corpse.

They were, they affirmed, heartened by the public's interaction with the works.