Breaking news

High plains drifter.

Police in Scotland have issued the following press release. We reproduce it unedited and in full.

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Police Scotland is appealing for information to help trace the next of kin of an 81-year-old man in Edinburgh.

Officers attended at Canon Street on Thursday, 2 June, 2022 after Alex Fulton passed away. There are no suspicious circumstances surrounding his death.

As you read this, advance copies of the July Spurtle are already popping up in odd spots across Broughton like lost tourists walking in circles on York Lane in search of Britannia.

Issue 319 begins with an unlikely marriage, a Scots vow, and a surprise half-quote from Macbeth few if any have remarked before. Scores of architectural changes follow, as do clouds of dust, a tactical victory, and the return of a local artist certified dead for roughly 125 years. He’s looking well.

As highlighted in April's Spurtle, there is widespread public disillusion with how some Council officials and elected representatives seek and respond to public opinion.

We were therefore intrigued to learn about the Our Edinburgh Neighbourhood project, which encourages us to reimagine community consultation.

As you read this, advance copies of the June Spurtle have already spread across the barony like fresh hail through a spring T-shirt. Gird your goosebumps and embrace the news.

On Page 1 we commence with news of the May election, and ill-advised speculations on a Coalition deal formulated before the real thing emerged just after it was too late to correct ourselves. When in doubt, Shoot the Editor.

We have reports, too, of a bipedal phenomenon newly arrived in Broughton, the botched beginning of beautiful bins, and the grisly end of a local landmark.

The results for Spurtleshire below are drawn directly from the Council's website.

At this stage, we offer no analysis, other than to note that turnout seems to be in direct negative proportion to the number of hustings held in the area.

Perhaps seeing candidates in the flesh repels more voters than it inspires.

WARD 5 – STOCKBRIDGE AND INVERLEITH

BANDEL, Jule – Scottish Green Party elected at stage 10

MITCHELL, Max – Scottish Conservative and Unionist elected at stage 7

Police Scotland issued a press release this morning. We reproduce it below unedited and in full.

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As you read this, advance copies of the May Spurtle are already spreading across the barony like half-frozen political canvassers ducking into shops to get out of the wind.

Page 1 begins with a glaring absence, a brilliant presence, and mind-boggling Council self-contradiction. It continues with confirmed plans for the Beaverlands, then tapers to a wobbling close on Leith Walk. No officials were harmed in the writing of these reports.

If you’re passing Canonmills Newsagents this sunny Wednesday, pop in and congratulate Anwar and Ruby. Today, they’re celebrating 21 years in charge of the popular local shop at 3 Howard Street.

The pair first learned the business in partnership with Ruby’s sister Zahida and husband Mohammad (who later ran the M.A. Store on East Claremont Street) in Musselburgh.

Next, in 1985 they took over a newsagent in Colinton Mains, before switching to Canonmills in 2001.

A PARTIAL ACCOUNT

‘More like Just a Minute than University Challenge’ was how chair Carol Nimmo proposed Wednesday’s hustings for the City Centre ward should proceed. She presumably wanted candidates to avoid hesitation, repetition, or deviation and warned any who weren't succinct that they faced being dinged by the merciless Spurtle Bell.