Breaking news

The Scottish Government yesterday launched a map breaking down the incidence of Scottish house fires by postcode. We look at these from a Spurtleshire perspective, i.e. those areas in which we report, distribute or take a keen, neighbourly interest.

In 2011–12, four areas of Edinburgh were in the worst category, suffering 70 or more fires. They were: EH4, EH6 (Leith and Newhaven), EH7 (between central Edinburgh and Leith) and EH14.

The EH1 area (including the St James Centre, Leith and Broughton Streets) suffered between 10 and 14 fires.

These wonderfully eccentric window arrangements at Narcissus have brought a welcome touch of the Hebrides to Broughton Street this month.

The various assemblages – part-bird-part-fish, float-flowers, Domestos-chickens, torpedo-bladders and beastie-buoys – are the work of Skye carpenter and artist 'Beads'.

To some, it is reminiscent of a maple leaf borne aloft on an autumn breeze; to others, of a herring gull just after being deliberately hit by a speeding Range Rover en route to the Magnum Bar on Albany Street.

It is in fact the new Alpine House, currently under construction at the Botanic Garden (Breaking news, 19.12.11; 23.1.12).

This specimen was found lying wet and bedraggled in the rain on Gloucester Lane last week.

Now known as 'Gloucester', he has a comfortable home and has dried out considerably.

However, the finder is anxious to reunite him with his original owner – probably a child or sentimental adult with a poor grip on reality.

Posters went up on lamp-posts across Stockbridge at the weekend, but so far no-one has come forward to claim him.

Spotted on Broughton Street last week – possibly the latest discarded Christmas tree of 2011 or the earliest discarded Christmas tree of 2012.

Either way, its brown and withered appearance is a welcome, miserablist counterblast to the fairy-dust-encrusted, Christmas-starts-in-September, marketing bollox of 'Edinburgh sparkles' etcetera.

How about some more realistic slogans for the capital this year, properly rooted in Calvinist pessimism and self-disgust, trams frustration, social meltdown and wretched incredulity at the possibility of things ever getting better?

Locals may remember Spurtle reader Richard Burrell, the former Bellevue resident who recently moved away to take up a Modern Studies teaching post at Earlston in the Borders.

Next summer, Richard will lead a party of 10 young people to Peru, and is now organising an auction in Edinburgh to help raise the necessary funds for himself.

Take a closer look at the map on the right by clicking here. You may not feel like it, but if you live in Broughton anywhere south-east of Newhaven Road and Pilrig Street, or north of Canonmills, Bellevue and East London Street, the chances are that the Council gnomes in their wisdom think you're a Leither.

The LGBT Centre for Health and Wellbeing is to hold a public meeting later this month on services for older lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in Edinburgh.

The idea is to introduce, discuss and respond to an important consultation being undertaken by City of Edinburgh Council for its Joint Commissioning Plan for Older People 2012–13.

An exhibition of recent work by artist, café proprietrix and female-moustache enthusiast Ingrid Nilsson will open next week at Bon Papillon on Howe Street.

'Does my bum look big in this?'

It's a question many have been asked at one time or another, and one for which there is no satisfactory response.

'No' is generally disbelieved. 'Yes' is always the wrong answer. 'No bigger than usual' requires booking into a B&B for a few days. It's altogether better to feign deafness.